2:36 AM

I haven’t sleep today. I woke up all night long doing stuff I don’t really need to do, fairly speaking. I’m supposed to study for the exam this morning for the subject I hate the most : politics. I’m supposedly have already finish that subject way back 2 semesters ago, but at that time there are lot of things happen in my personal life and I just decided to take it next year. And voila! Here we are right now. I still couldn’t believe that a year come and away that fast. But I’m not really study anyway. I know I’m supposed to, but I’m not. Alright alright… I know I have an issue here. Instead of study about politics (which I don’t really want to know anyway) I end up continuing writing a fiction short story which I currently working right now. But I just couldn’t finish the story because there always doubt whenever I write. Does this plot make sense? Does my character looks real? How if the reader get confuse?. It kills me. I have an issue on perfectionism. I know I’m supposedly writing honestly, clear and loud sounding my thought. I should be just write and be suck. I mean that’s how we are supposed to live while we’re young doesn’t we? To be suck and make mistake and failure and learn and learn and learn again. Because there are no great thing happen overnight. Anyway, I just find out cool blogs that really interesting. Name is Cassandra Nikki. As far as I know, she’s an Indonesian student which currently studying photography in San Francisco, a city where they put broccoli as the topping for pizza (alright, maybe this part only happen in Inside Out movie). She’s cool though, I like how honest she write in her post, and her photographs are also good either. You can google it and see it by yourself. But the thing I like most is the story how’s she really determined to chasing her dream to live in San Francisco. As I scroll and read more further it turn out that she’s a friend of Alanda Kariza, the current writer celebrity everyone talks about. I know her from one of my friend, Fia Madestie when she show me Alanda Kariza’s newest novel “Beats Apart” when we hang out a couple of days ago in Starbucks. As I study her more further (instead of politic) I discover that she has already write her first book by the age of 15. Fifteen! Can you imagine!? And by knowing that fact is somehow intimidating me because this year I would be turn 23. I feel like my youth slipped away by not doing anything significant. There are lots of gap I should catch. If I were serious catching career as a writer (or at least some work which has relevance on creative writing) first thing to do is to maintenance this shitty blog and make it as a portofolio. I mean, I have several writing in my desktop which I haven’t post yet. and my poems… ah yess… my poems are still scattered away. Remind me to gather all my poems okay? and yeah… I have to learn more about vocabulary and more engrish. Maybe if some engrish teacher come and see my writing here, he/she will be burst in tears because my grammar really awful. anyway, the sun has already out now. I have an exam on 8:20 and I don’t have any idea about how am I supposed to answer all the question later. But meh, life is too precious to worry about little thing.