Love letter

It was my fresman year. My second freshman year. I’ve been having study before on engineering major. But I decided to quit, it’s a long story after all. After a long struggling trough deep sorrow and millions questions about life, I finally can walk on and pursue my dream, not my dream actually but at least I enjoyed what I’ve been having right now. Sometimes I don’t know what I want, what the purpose of life, so I don’t know whether it’s my dream or not. But life seems more better than before, than my previous year when I ran my life at the wrong place. And here I am, end up in this new society to starting a new life.

Everything feels good, feels like this is how life should be. I don’t know, maybe because I met this person. We’re having so many good times since I move here. We’ve talked about anything, we share about our story, we give each other shoulder when we felt the weight on the shoulder felt too heavy, we swept our each other tears when the pain in heart felt unbearable. It’s just…. Everything feels like home, everything seems better when she’s around. And I’ve been thinking about her everyday, I think I’m fall in love with her. I was so happy with her, but at the same time I was so afraid of losing her. Whenever I saw her, I feel like I see me in her, even though sometime I don’t understand my self either. Sometimes I feel like she’s right in front of me, but at the same time she seems like she was millions light years apart far away. Why? Because she never love me.

I don’t know what happened to me, I just love her without any vivid reason to explain. Maybe I know I was wrong since from the start, I should not falling in love with her. But I did, love happens. But even though like that, I still love her anyway, with or without any relationship. I know it hurt, but I already drown to her world. Maybe I’m fool, but I know what love is, and I know I love her, but she’s not. She loves someone else who better than me. I was so in love with her, but the more I love her the more I realize that I should let her go. It’s complicated emotions that even myself don’t understand. I won’t push myself too hard anymore, I’ll be just me for whatever lies beyond this path, and let happen whatever might happen. Maybe we’ll live and learn. Maybe we’ll crash and burn. Maybe you’ll stay, maybe you’ll leave, maybe you’ll return.

Love has taught me of great lessons of life, of joy, of pain, of smile, of tears, of everything. Love taught me how to make people you care about is happy, how to make them safe when they’re lonely, how to make them smile again after tears flowing in their eyes and how to be sincere when they walk away. I want to keep her in my heart to remind me of so much smile and joyful, sadness and tears, and another precious memories once we had and we’ve been through together even though she don’t felt the same thing as I felt. I hope that she’ll always remember me.

               “If you remember me, I don’t care everyone else to forget”

            Take care of yourself, I really do hope that you’re always happy for the life you have. I loved you, I love you, and I’ll always love you, it was you and always be you.

Ps : on her twentieth birthday i give her this letter. wherever you are now. i really do hope that you're happy with the life you live.